Bittersweet Escape

 how i wish to be a full time mom how i wish to raise my kids by myself. watching every milestones they've got. Giving them my very best love and attention. God please answer my prayer. I think being a mom is every woman callings.

no one ever told me that breastfeeding journey would be so tough. Full of tears.  Gw cm kira yg bkln toughfull adalah proses lahiran, dan stelahnya g bkln aneh2.. well you've got prank, epen 😂😂 dmulai dari #Nona yg ga bs DBF, pelekatanny blum sempurna katanya #Nona ada tounge tie dan lip tie, jd she needs extra effort utk DBF dan akunya jg masi kikuk, badan aku blm bs ktmu posisi yg pas jg utk #nona menyusui, masi kaku. bersyukur perawat, bidan dan dokter d klinik bersalinnya pro Asi, jd mreka support aku utk bs DBF, hari pertama dan kdua benar2 g bs DBF, tp ktnya bayi dapat bertahan d 3 hari pertama tnpa asupan ASI. Hari ktiga udh mulai deg2 ser, anak aku makan apa, sdgny PD aku udh bengkak, karna asi nya udh byk tp g dkluarkan.. akhirny coba pencet2 dan peres PD sndiri dan dtaro d sendok, karna awal2 g bs pake alat pumping badan sampe meriang karna PD bengkak, dan sedih bgt kalo bayi nangis minta asi, tp aku nya g bs, akhirnya perah manual ke botol. cb2 liat d youtube, akhirny ...

 My Baby.. Can i stare at you a little longer those innocent beautiful eyes.. can i hold you a little longer hold these tiny creature.. can i kiss you a little longer and sniffing your heaven smell.. can i stay beside a little longer dan make sure everythings will be ok.. can i whisper to you a little longer "baby.. you are beautiful, you are worth it, you are enough, you are precious, and you are loved, because God first love you.. I love you." thank you for coming into my life an choosing me me as your Mom.. cant promise anything, but i will give my very best to love you unconditionally.

 stelah 40 hari menjadi seorang ibu. oh wait.. supposed to be 38 weeks and 40 days after being a mom, if i may.. i want a break time 😢😥. i'm so exhausted. Beneran emosi brantakan, sensi abis, badan masi recovery, masuk angin kek g ilang2, ringkih bgt, trus anak rewel, karna blm ktmu celah dan g ngrti kalo dia nangis tuh krn apa aj, trus aku kan ldr-an sm suami,  ini jg bikin mewek, dan byk hal lainnya yg printilan bikin baper.. bayi ga bs DBF, jd harus slalu pumping..  well.. welcome baby blues. That phase is real, and it happens.  tp tiap liat si bayi pas lg tdr, lg senyum senyum.. oohh i love this baby so much.. i think its all worth it.

The birth story.. A mixed feelings, exhausted but relieved at the same time. first sign from #nona on Sunday, Nov 1st, arround 7 am, ada flek, darah seger gt. emang smlmny udh agak susah tdr dan smpt mimpi sakit perut. Feelingnya sih emg #nona bakalan maju lahirnya dari HPL di 15 Nov 2020. 02.00 PM >> bukan 2 well ini prdana periksa dalam sama bidannya. OMG. no one ever told me it's so hurt 😢. abis itu masi plg ke rmh dl, krn blm ada kontraksi,  sorenya masi jalan kliling kompleks, dtemenin adek Elis. dan gelombang cinta mkin terasa.. 10.00 PM >> bukaan 4-5 1.00 AM >> bukaan 6-7 and fyi, RASANYA LUAR BIASAAAA.. cuma bs pasrah, nikmatin sakitnya dan mncba stay awake. karna ku sudah lelah. 02.30 >> ketuban pecah dan dperiksa dlm oleh Dr, udh pmbukaan smpurna dan masuklah dlm masa2 mnegangkan suami siaga wlpn linglung.. hehe.. daaann mendaratlah #nona 04.58 AM  dgn prsalinan normal (hampir induksi, dokterny udh instruksi ke bidannya utk ambil alat induksi...